Looking it in the eye isn't...

Looking it in the eye isn't exactly the easiest thing to do, admitting it on a public forum is even harder.  Yet, the day, the time, the moment has come.  I've watched it creep back into my life, like a fog it patiently waited offshore for the wind to change.  Slowly, silently, it drifted back cloaking me like a cold wet blanket.

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Taking the time...

We take the time to vacation, have special dinners, paint houses. Have you ever taken the time to go grieve? I mean step away from this world, a society that's based on money equals success. If you've never done such a thing, I highly suggest the mental time. 

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Maybe worth sharing, maybe not...

Maybe worth sharing, maybe not...

Without a doubt, I'm a doer. Given the time, patience and tools, I will take on just about anything. I remember when the CNC machine arrived in a large crate at the high school I taught at in KC. Two large crates of parts. Step by step I assembled, connected the power, loaded the software and began to teach myself the "how too".

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A few thoughts 8 years in...



1. I've learned to live from the heart.

2. Don't feel sorry for me, I don't.

3. The pain I feel when I grieve is real, it's physical.

4. I cradle the love and nurture the pain.

5. My weaknesses are my greatest strengths because I acknowledge them.

6. There are times I would rather die than live, the love is that deep.

7. I work to empower myself, it takes that much energy.

8. I see my son in everything I do, heaven on earth.

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Disarming Fear

Today, I'm going to go do something I didn't think I had the courage.  Something for years and years I didn't think twice, I just did.  Little did I know that for just over eight years I would struggle to do this one simple thing, fear has held me paralyzed in it's grips.

I talk about standing up.  I talk about facing things we dare not.  I talk about this and I talk about that, yet within something has had a grip on my heart.  The thought of it has brought me to instant lock down, "I can't". 

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Thoughts at 8 years...

Thoughts...

Reflecting back on the past 8 years since my sons death, I wanted to share a few thoughts from the heart.

-I have entire blocks of time missing. I will be having a conversation with someone and they act as if I was there, I have no recollection. After sitting with the thought for a time, I begin to remember.

-I'm not the same Kris prior to Blake's death. Yeah, I can still build, create, etc. The inner self is different, not better or worse, just different. Understanding and accepting it has been difficult.

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Too teach...

Too teach from the heart, not a book, a notepad filled with scribble, or a series of prepared slides.  No, it's not perfect, yet in every sense it fits me like a fitted glove.  Risk, nothing we do in life is without if we make a decision to step onto the balcony and say it, from the soul.

My grief, I'm learning day by day is something that I only understand on the surface, I loved him deeply.  My despair, only because the path that had become so well planned was only a part of a far gone life.

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The NFL winners and losers...

Yesterday while painting, I was listening to the post game show in the radio after the Chiefs lost.  While listening to the reporters interviewing the players, there was something very distinctive about what was coming over the radio.

When the reporter made his way into the winners locker room, his voice was upbeat, loud and it sounded as though the future was wide open.  Yet the same reporter goes into the losers locker room minutes later and his voice is down, subdued and the future was bleak.

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The NFL winners and losers...

Yesterday while painting, I was listening to the post game show in the radio after the Chiefs lost.  While listening to the reporters interviewing the players, there was something very distinctive about what was coming over the radio.

When the reporter made his way into the winners locker room, his voice was upbeat, loud and it sounded as though the future was wide open.  Yet the same reporter goes into the losers locker room minutes later and his voice is down, subdued and the future was bleak.

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An Interview I did...

This past year, I've done a couple local interviews that focused on the renovation work I'm doing on a historic home in my hometown.  On many occasions, I've shared that this isn't just a house I'm bringing back to life, it's a parrallel of my life.  A beautiful home that ended up empty for years and years because of tragedy, only to be brought back to life, one nail, one wall, one heartbeat at a time.

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About Kris

For years I felt that overcoming life’s challenges had to be a long difficult process. 

Something changed when I sold everything I owned and spent some time in exile. I learned many things while on the road, but the most important thing I learned was living in the moment. 

This blog is a continuation of thoughts when they surface. Their from the heart, simple and from a guy who simply loves to renovate old homes and rebuild lives.

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