change

For years and years, this was an empty tube of toothpaste. There was no doubt that I would use it and dispose of it without even giving it a second thought. I would grab it, use it, toss it in the drawer until the next time needed. It simply served a daily purpose for me, nothing more, nothing less.
Then it changed, honestly, it all changed. The simple things no longer seemed simple, without meaning. I didn't want it, but I got it. I never asked for it, but the new perspective on life was placed within me, around me, through me. 

It didn't go away when I slept, when I moved from point to point or after completely stripping myself of every single thing beyond my skin. For years the task was simple, something I didn't give a second thought. Grabbing the tube was instinct, without thought, like breathing.

To you, this may be a well squeezed tube of toothpaste. Maybe it signifies that whomever used it is frugal, a miser, someone who feels they should use every last drop before they pop the top on another. 

On December 27th of 2005, I woke to a sunrise like no other. To you, it was simply another sunrise. To me, I was going to bury my son. I didn't want the sun to rise, but it did. I didn't want the minutes to pass, but they did. 

So there I stood, in front of a mirror looking at the man I didn't know holding this tube. I realized as I gazed into the sunken face, my hand gripping this tube that it would never be the same. 

I realized that the day would come that even this, this simple tube of toothpaste would be gone. I would have to buy another, the minutes passed. Church, cemetery, another sunrise, another squeeze of the tube. Slowly, the drops became smaller and smaller. I squeezed it until I could squeeze it no more. I had to let go. 

Sounds silly to most. Prior to Blake's death, I would have called you a freak, move on, let it go, be strong, he's in a better place you know. Now I know it's not that simple, everything changed when I experienced his death. I have a different perspective. Not a perspective of death, but a new perspective on life.

I don't want your sympathy. I don't want to inspire. I simply want you to know that things can change in an instant, without cause, without reason. This wasn't a trick question. It was simply a lesson in perspective. Only I can see the world from where I stand, the path I've walked, the steps I take forward.