Thoughts at 8 years...
Reflecting back on the past 8 years since my sons death, I wanted to share a few thoughts from the heart.
-I have entire blocks of time missing. I will be having a conversation with someone and they act as if I was there, I have no recollection. After sitting with the thought for a time, I begin to remember.
-I'm not the same Kris prior to Blake's death. Yeah, I can still build, create, etc. The inner self is different, not better or worse, just different. Understanding and accepting it has been difficult.
-When I see someone in crisis, the very sight drains my strength. I feel as though I'm transported back in time. I'm learning to honor that drain.
-I fear allowing people too close to me. The results of Blake's death and two divorces no doubt. Moose(my dog) has helped me break those barriers.
-When perspective changes on one thing, it changes on everything. That alone takes time to grasp, it's like learning to walk again, in someone else's body.
-I've always been a visionary type. The past eight years I had to trust in what I saw in my own life. When I did, good things began to happen.
-My second divorce was harder on me then my sons death. Though it was inevitable, the event took me down a path of chaos. It's where I realized just how strong I am. "I stared into the barrel of nothingness and found my bottom, from there I began to rebuild".
-Trusting in my own thoughts took time, that's why I began with the little things. Stripping away the external, depending on what I had within. What I discovered was big things are simply many little things. This applies to every aspect of my life.
I miss my son, yet in the same breath he's with me, heaven on earth.
Be safe and well friends, but more importantly, take a moment to simply reach out and give a friend a hug who's struggling. You don't have to say a word, just listen, with the heart.