I remember growing up how badly my legs would ache at times. From my sophomore year in high school to my senior year, I grew 4". It felt as though I was being stretched nightly and the ache is something I still remember to this day.
The parrallels to the past years have been amanzingly similar. For the longest time, I really thought my life changed when Blake died. If I were to be truthful, it all changed when my first divorce took place.
Yesterday I was at my office at the university working on a few things for the fall semester and received the email notifying me that I had been selected to be a part of the TigerLeaders class for the coming year. I honestly had to read the email a couple times as I couldn't believe what I was reading.
On Friday I had to drive to Topeka to attend a state board of appraisers meeting. Long story how I ended up on this board but I'm really enjoying the experience. Anywho, road time usually equals think time for me.
I rarely turn on the radio, I use the time to just think about life. Kind of a who, what, where and when review of what's been taking place. The time is like a super mini time in exile away from the static.
While walking across campus yesterday at FHSU, I had to stop a moment and just look across campus. I thought to myself, "I'm really here". As I walked away from normal to travel the country, I had no idea where I would end up.
I followed what I felt was right for me and ended up exactly where I needed to be. It's not Hays that makes it perfect, I could do what I do anywhere. It's not FHSU that makes it perfect, I could teach anywhere. It's not the students that make it perfect, I can find a full classroom anywhere.
My mind is bouncing around this morning, so many things to share. I've come so far, yet days like today can be a bit unsettling.
I don't dread them, I've learned to except them for what they are. They're days that are anchored in memories. Anchored memories to moments in time.
I'm grateful for the memories, but I've had to learn how to care for them in a different way. It's taken time, not to forget, but to understand.
A couple years back I posted "When I began doing things that appeared insane to others, I was actually on a path seeking my sanity. From that point, I began living in MY reality".
I find so much truth in this statement. Tragedy leads to chaotic thinking and we do things we may not normally do. Our minds are grasping for a previous life. We are in crisis.
Tragedy is any event that tosses our routine into turmoil. Death, job loss, illness, divorce, they all leave our minds scattered. It's our natural intuition to bring it back in order.
The next month is taking The Birdhouse Project all over the country, presentations in CO, NY and FL. I never dreamed such things would be happening, or maybe I did. Looking back, I remember standing at one of the work tables in my high school shop looking at the parts and pieces as the project was developing and could simply feel the future impact.